Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
