captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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