and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
