Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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