some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
