okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
