I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
