70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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