WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
