i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
