i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
