"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Houston, we have a squirter
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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