he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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