I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
