I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
