A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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