So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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