haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
