exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
