no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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