grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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