I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
