I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
