My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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