Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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