She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
