My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
