i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
