Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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