I just pynch a tree in the face
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
