3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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