Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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