dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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