I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
