Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
