i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
