I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
