just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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