dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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