Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
