Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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