I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
