Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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