i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
