What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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