i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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