I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and you said cock pushups were impossible
he thought i was a dude.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
