i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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