Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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