She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Randomize
