had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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