Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
