I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
