U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I look better un-naked...
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
