We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
