I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
