first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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