Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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